two different suburbias

High school was the time period when I got to experience the suburbs. Those four years where when I lived in Mountain View, a suburb type city in the Bay Area. It wasn't quite like the newer cookie cutter setup so typical for suburbs, but there were neighborhoods that had basically 4 versions of the same house on every street, or little condo communities like the one I lived in, where everything was strictly maintained to look exactly the same.
What always struck my as really creepy about my friend's homes was the coldness that hit me every time I went over. Maybe it was the fact that they all had central cooling systems that they actually used (whereas my parents were too cheap to plug our air conditioning in even when we were boiling hot). Or maybe it was the way their spacious, well appointed homes looked as if no-one lived there. Suburban architecture and the showroom furniture found in these homes always made me feel as if no-one actually lived there, and if they did, they touched their surroundings very gently so as not to make a smudge. This family disfunctional architecture, as I call it, always made me glad to go back to my own home, with it's cozy low-ceilinged living room and my little sister's toys scattered everywhere in controlled but exuberant chaos.

I wouldn't say my friends were all miserable, far from it- we all knew how lucky we were to be living in such a high cost area, to be going to such a good high school, and to have the leisure time and pocket money to enjoy ourselves. Though we weren't all in the financial bracket, we managed to get along without ever bringing money into our relationship. There was one thing I noticed however, tied to the richer and poorer of the high-school. The richer students felt the pressure to excel and succeed, to go to an Ivy league to get the six figure salary to afford the life-style their parents were giving them now but would cost five times as much in fifteen years. The poorer students felt the pressure of economic disadvantage, feeling like they would never be able to afford college so they'd probably potter around the community college for a while then settle down and never leave the town they went to high school in. For these two groups, success seemed to be defined in terms of suburbia- the affluent kids wanted to make enough money to be able to afford the suburban dream, while the poorer students feared being stuck in their suburban hell like something from the twilight zone. For one group, suburbia would be their success and reward, while for the other it would be their failure and punishment. The interesting thing is that both these groups delt with their anxieties in much the same way- quantities of alcohol and marijuana, liberally applied.

The Suburbs I Know

My experience of growing up in the suburbs very much coincides with Thursday's lecture in that I can see a stark contrast between the suburbs of my early childhood and the suburbs of my adolescence, which I suspect to be not only a result of my own growing teen angst, but of the rapid increase of immigration to the Silicon Valley from countries like China, India, and Pakistan, and the racial anxiety this triggered in the mostly white, long time residents of my hometown.

The suburb that I left three and a half years ago to go to university is marked in my memory as disempowered, cynical, and class segregated. While the economic and political climate of the entire country over the past 6 years has certainly been influential, I argue that the change happened in the mid-nineties. Growing up, I was surrounded by my mother and her community activist friends, going on hikes through the open space that they had just successfully preserved, working to creating a culturally integrated community through my mother's parent-participation community pre-school, working to ensure that the arts and music programs stayed strong in our schools despite budget cuts...but then, BAM, I went to middle school, in a different town, thirty miles away. By the time I returned to the public school system for high school, I heard talk of a different kind. I started noticing the warning signs of white flight: "They don't speak English...They are abusing the system...They don't want to assimilate...They're starting to outnumber us." Fear. We were class segregated because our schools were rated so highly. People moved here so their children could go to our public high school. Property values skyrocketed. Before long, you had to be rich to move in. But the disempowerment and the cynicism, I believe, resulted from fear. Our small little community kept getting bigger and bigger, and rather than embrace the newcomers as we (as progressive, left-wing Californians) once had, we separated ourselves from them...They were just here for the schools. They only talk to other Asians. We didn't know them. So they became the other. Different. Not us. The enemy. There grew the sentiment that things would only get worse (cynicism) and there was nothing we could do about it (disempowerment). Efforts to integrate were all but abandoned. The community was left more or less fractured, as it continues today. But I feel something good rising up from the earth. The grassroots are growing again. This time, I hope, stronger, because we have learned from our mistakes. People are becoming more and more empowered, the young activists are now old crones, quietly leading a revolution the best they know how. Through community.

MO Money, MO Money, MO Debt

Oh, the suburbs. God, help us all when the Pilates addicted mother gets out of her CL 300 Mercedes, picks up her dog carrier and goes inside Starbucks. As if the dog’s life is so hard that it can’t walk on the 4 legs it was born with. What is it about a suburb that aggravates me so much? Is it that I never lived in it? Is it because I moved 9 times in my lifetime thus far and don’t understand what a suburb has to offer. Well, I can say this much, I know people that live in suburbs and after listening to some people in class I have come to the conclusion that there are better environments to grow up in. Personally, the words usually not associated with the suburbs is dependency, 400 cc’s of ‘why the hell did u get them bigger’ at age 45, and the preposterous $2000 Louis Vuitton Dog carrier bag the lame excuse of a dog is going to shit in anyway. Again, my outlook on the suburbs is negative because I have a hard time disassociating places like the OC with other suburbs and products of that environment. Shows like “My Super Sweet 16” and the “The Real Desperate Housewives” makes me sick to my stomach. These environments create youth that depend on mom and dad’s credit cards, rarely creating relationships with people that don’t live similar lives. Meanwhile, the competition in that exists in the suburbs creates a long line of debt. The consumerism and over consumption that we are obsessed with distracts us from the poverty and tyranny that plagues the rest of the world, including our own country!

I don't hate the suburbs after all

The more we discuss the superficiality, conformity, and comsumerism that seem to define the suburbs, the more I think that our society has underestimated the integrity of the suburbanite. Its true we live in a "bubble," sheltered from the dangers and complixities of the outside world. It is true that there is little cultural variation, and it is true that one who seeks acceptance feels pressure to conform (mostly just in high school). However, I believe suburbanites are happy and not just because they are clueless. They are more socially and politically aware than they are given credit for and their lives are not empty or meaningless. In my experience the suburban dream of settling down, raising a family, and providing a bright future for the next generation is not lost in the homogeneity. As for my "not-so standard words":
1) Adopted Asian Kids- The majority of my suburb is white. But of my younger sister's 6 best friends, 4 are Asian, and of 2 of them were adopted. They were adopted by people who desperately wanted to build families and who embrace the fact that theirs is ethnically mixed. As a result the kids, in my sister's age group significantly more than my own, treat cross-cultural friendships as natural and normal.
2) Mom Makes More Money Than Dad- I try to fight the gossiping, latte-sipping, stay at home mom image, which is difficult because in her retirement my mom is becoming one of them. But many moms have high-paying jobs, intellectually stimulating jobs that even allow them to travel the world. Others are ex-hippie school teachers who truly believe that "children are the future." In my suburb women are encouraged to be independent and involved in both the local and world community, rather than aspiring to go to college for an "MRS."
3) The Arts- At my high school the cheerleaders were lame and the choir kids were cool. The high school musical was a bigger event than homecoming. Perhaps this is a movement towards "higher culture" but more than that I think it encourages self-expression through art as opposed to the competitive nature of sports.
-Ultimately I think that happiness and fulfillment can be found in the suburbs as long as suburbanites don't lose sight of what they really want out of life.

This isn't The Truman Show, or is it?

Eyes shut. Alarm. Eyes open. Snooze. Get up. Coffee, cigarette, morning paper, freeway, go to work, come home, dinner, movie night, Eyes shut. In the world of suburbia it is finding meaning in the mundane that distinguishes one day from the next. The lather-rinse-repeat cycle that brings comfort, also allows for growth on the daily level. When the seemingly repetitive nature of life is broken down and the stereotypes are re-evaluated, you are left with what is still real in the suburbs: People, humanity, and other Carbon based life forms.
Once you get past whatever side of the binary fence you are sitting on: “an oppressive, repressive, passive boring upper-class prison” versus “the best case scenario of the American dream: progress, development, and the picket fence,” then you are able to extract meaning from suburban life. Suburbia is more than a spot on the map, or a geographical location, the word itself carries connotations that are often applied (or projected) onto it’s inhabitants. It has become a spot of contention for those questioning the ethicacy of the lifestyle: a robotic rat race of a unified “vanilla” dream, the place where heterogeneity is replaced by homogeneity, where difference is leveled out by the bulldozer of peer policing, and meticulous attention to formula has allowed for the “one shopping center” theory of architectural ambition. The other side is that it is idyllic, a veritable paradise for the masses, where equality (albeit by virtue of rather strict cultural policing) allows for a peaceful existence without the feeling of inadequacy. A little side note: what has become problematic recently for the last theory is the “marketability” of the suburbs. Places like Orange County are distinguishing themselves as “la crème de la crème” of the suburbs, and slowly adding layers the suburban class system. For lack of a better word, they are considered “the suburban elite” and shows like Laguna Beach focus on making them appeal to national/international audiences the same way a city would…but I digress.
Let’s be honest, from the outside all of our days aren’t going to look that different. We’re probably all doing variations of a pretty short list of activities. That isn’t the point. The point is that what is routine becomes a clean slate from which people can find meaning, actively. By questioning, and wondering if you really do look ridiculous from outer space (read: alien perspective) when you are on the treadmill, freeway, or in the symmetrical tract home that is your neighborhood. The goal is to keep breaking down the stereotypes until what has meaning is placed back into the individual’s subjective hands, and to make “different” a word that doesn’t always imply judgment or power relationships.

Appearance vs. Reality

In these small towns and grassy utopias, the population isn’t necessarily as cookie cutter as the houses. While the residents are predominately upper middle class, they differ in race, age, and family make up. There is no such thing as the nuclear family anymore; rather, you’ll find broken homes, single parent families, and a divorce rate that seems to vastly surpass the marriage rate. Many suburbanites find their weekends occupied with Grande Nonfat Sugarfree Lattes, AYSO soccer games, and a general overexhaustion of the magnetic strip on their credit card as they jump from one shopping center to another. There are children playing in the streets and mothers gossiping with one another, but also an older generation of residents who choose to remain in the homes they’ve raised their families in. While the green landscapes and manicured lawns seem reminiscent of the liveliness of the suburbs, there is also a great deal of death that occurs in these picture perfect neighborhoods. The beauty of the suburbs easily masks the car accident fatalities, despondent suicides, and victims of old age that are taken everyday. As I’m looking out the window at my own neighborhood’s Starbucks watching the SUVs and BMWs drive by on newly refinished streets, I’m trying to remind myself that no one’s life is as perfect nor simple as it may appear from the outside.

Suburbs... Not that bad

As a person who has lived in suburbs most of her life (aside from 4 years of city life) I appreciate what a suburb is and means. I understand that the idea is repulsive to many, and I wouldn't even consider for a second getting a tract house with a nice little yard until I'm in my 30's. But there is a time and a place for suburban life- the time in particular being "family time" either as a child or as a parent. To me suburbs are a place where a family can grow. To repeat my example from last week's email, a couple with a young child can buy a house that they can't quite afford and work hard to save enough for that attic conversion or bathroom remodel. As the family grows and changes, so the house and the neighborhood do too.

This leads into my other association with the suburbs that doesn't seem to be supported by many others people. Waldie especially harps on the stagnance of the suburbs. Nothing ever really happens in Lakewood, and when something changes it is not for the better. Every identical street is lined with identical houses. This is not how I see it (although maybe Lakewood really is like that). Every house holds a story, every street has a personality. Every person is unique and the people of the neighborhood mesh and mingle to create a community. Someone living in the suburbs can consider their neighborhood, and in some cases their street in particular, part of who they are, part of their social structure. I feel like ever street has a unique story created by the people who have lived there and given it character, rather than the suburbs being a sea of bland homogeny. Although the houses and streets look similar on the outside, what they hold within is distinct.

The 1,100 sq. ft. Dream

Suburban life. What does that mean anyway? Good luck defining such an idea in one sentence or less. It's as elusive as the Holy Grail and nearly as coveted by most people. According to freeonlinedictionary.com, Suburban is defined as:

1. Of, relating to, or characteristic of a suburb.

2. Located or residing in a suburb.

3. Of, relating to, or characteristic of the culture, customs, and manners typical of life in the suburbs.

So where does this leave us? Exactly where we started. The first two definitions give us nothing. The third offers a little more insight. "Culture, customs, and manners typical of life in the suburbs." Ok, that makes it easier to pin down, right? So what are these cultures, customs, and manners typical of life in the suburbs? Now that's a good question. If you haven't already caught on, my point is that the idea of the suburbs is very specific to individual experiences and not readily forced into one particular mold. Sure we can all picture in our minds what the "suburbs" look like from the outside; those neat little housing tracts conceived in the minds of wealthy developers. When I think of the suburbs I envision tons of little "bubbles" rapidly expanding as more and more people move in. Each of these bubbles has characteristic cultures and customs. They often represent a multitude of ethnic backgrounds and races. Some have high crime rates and some couldn't be safer. Some residents indulge in community BBQs every weekend while others might not know their neighbor's first name. In essence, suburban life is what you make of it. It's where you live. It doesn't have to be who you are.

Nowadays the suburbs where I grew up in are inhabited by all kinds of different people. Some elderly couples have moved in replacing the younger families. Some have extended relatives living with them. Other couples have young children and Golden Retrievers. Most of the people are happy at heart, or at least from what I can tell. The ones that aren't have a hard time concealing it. Try to have a shouting match with your significant other and see if you don't get a disapproving glance from your neighbor the next morning as you go outside to grab the newspaper. As much as you want to remove yourself from this constant scrutinization it may be impossible. Suburban life does require a certain amount of compromise, but in the end it's what you make of it.

The suburb: A shiny apple with a rotten core?

Life in a suburb generally consists of a (beautiful) home, bought with money you don't have, never had and probably never will. A shiny new car running on the cheapest gas that can be found. A family blessed with 2.5 children and is fueled by drugs--uppers, downers, anti-depressants, Ritalin, Adderall, a drug for every mood. All of this consumption, empty consumption, over consumption, in order to achieve the appearance of order. An attempt to fit into the great chain of being. Proving that you are ready to move on up when you really only have enough to stay where you are (albeit maybe a little more comfortably).

What is the meaning behind this? what is the motive? Ruthless ambition. If you're good enough to be in the suburbs you're good enough to dream of doing better. You had the advantages: you're probably white, you probably have clothes on your back, food in your belly and enough time and money left over to think about leisure. Staying where you were wouldn't be an achievement, it would be settling. If you are living next door to the Jones' you'd better be ready to try and keep up with them. No new car? No family vacation to Hawaii? No gardener? No housekeeper? What have you been spending all of your money on?

Are the suburbs only endless cycles of wasted consumption? I think that while much of the time suburban life manifests itself in that way, that is not the driving force of its existence. I also think that from my perspective it is hard to understand the value behind the consumption. While I enjoy and appreciate the material as much as the next person, I find the joy from getting something new is often transient and even opens the door for regret (buyer's remorse). I think that the relationship to the material changes when you are the parents, the ones who chose (or maybe didn't chose but ended up in) the suburbs. Right now in my life consumption is a selfish act. It's all for me unless its Christmas or some one's birthday (although when the rules of gift given are analyzed even those purchases can be seen in a selfish light). A parent, however, exists in a state of perpetual gift giving--food, shelter, clothing, toys, trips, cars--they work for it, they pay for it and they give it away with no (or at least unequal) compensation other than the pleasure of giving a gift. It is not consumption that drives the suburbs, but procreation.

How can a society built around family values ultimately be looked at as empty, shallow and meaningless? Although I have my moments of cynicism, I feel that as a whole we have been too harsh on suburban life. I admit that when I realize that one of my life goals seems to be to settle in the suburbs I feel a little shocked and even a little ashamed. Settling seems like settling--but that probably stems from the romantic notions that grow from being on my own for the first time. But when I imagine myself years in the future wanting children I am always in the suburbs. I don't think I would want to end up there if I remained by myself or even as a couple but out of brainwashing or truth the suburbs seem to be the place for the American nuclear family.

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